Dear Heart…Why him?

I have been very fortunate in my lifetime to have experienced some genuinely amazing things! I’ve sky dived in America, snorkelled along the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and swum with glow worms in underground caves in New Zealand! I’ve traveled to almost 40 Countries and seen several wonders of the world. Some of the experiences have been truly breathtaking. And yet I still don’t think there’s anything that compares with the butterflies you get when you realise you really like someone. That flutter in your tummy when you see them or hear their voice, the way it catches you by surprise when you least expect it. That to me is something that really takes your breath away.

To me there’s nothing more exciting, nothing that makes me smile more or distracts me from my everyday life more, than falling for someone.  And there’s no controlling your heart, no telling where it will lead you or who it will happen upon, so that flutter you feel can bring unending joy or it can bring crushing pain. Because for some of us cupid’s arrow takes a wrong turn and the object of our affections is someone we cant have, someone who is wrong for us in every way or someone who doesn’t always return our affections.

We try and quell the feeling, encourage the butterflies to up and fly away, beg our heart to switch its affection to someone else (anyone else), and yet our heart refuses to listen. Our friends encourage us to move on, tell us we’re worth more, remind us of how amazing we are and what else is out there. But none of that matters when you have feelings for someone. There is very little you can do when your heart aches for them and when you long to be with them. (well actually I’m sure there’s a lot you can do and I for one believe that a glass of wine and a cry with your girlfriends can work wonders but when it comes to it I’ll always be ruled by my heart rather than my head)

My favourite television show by far is Grey’s Anatomy. I love the characters, I love the medical plotlines but most of all I love the relationships between the characters. In past seasons there was a couple whose overwhelming chemistry made for great watching. But it wasn’t just the sexual tension that fizzled, they had a deep connection that brought them back to each other over and over again despite their overriding longings for different things. They may be fictional characters but the dilemmas in their relationship resonated right into reality. Here were two people who loved each other and yet just weren’t meant to be because love wasn’t enough when they wanted such different things. It was heartbreaking to watch them agonise over decisions about their future because there was to be no happy ending.  (The couple I’m referring to are Christina Yang and Owen Hunt and if at this point I’ve lost you as you’ve never seen the show I thoroughly recommend calling in sick and watching it immediately)

Its one thing I’ve refused to believe on many occasions. The hopeless romantic in me holds on to the belief that love can conquer all and yet its quite obvious that not all couples are meant to be. And yet how do you marry that realisation with the feelings consuming you when you’ve fallen for someone? How do you walk away when your hand is reaching for theirs, desperate not to let go?

I’m not sure I have the answer to this. But here are a few strategies I’m hoping will help.

  1. Draw new meaning from every one of Adele’s song lyrics. Listen to them for hours (preferably late into the night) and sing along loudly as tears stream down your cheeks.
  2. Stream Love Story and throw things at the television (computer or ipad) as you ruminate on how tragic and unfair their story is.
  3. Trawl through quotes on pinterest as you desperately try to find the words to express just how you feel.
  4. Facebook stalk each and every photograph and gaze adoringly at the one you love whilst downing copious amounts of the nearest liquor (on second thoughts maybe don’t try this.)
  5. If in doubt download Tinder

Of course these suggestions are very much tongue in cheek and its in no way that simple. But then neither is life and sometimes we just cant always be with the people we want to be with.





5 thoughts on “Dear Heart…Why him?

  1. Thanks for posting this on my Grey’s Anatomy page on Facebook. I enjoyed it. I am a huge Cristina fan and I loved her and Owen together, I also loved Burke and was thrilled when he turned up in the tenth season. I encourage you to share whatever you like on my page. However, one word of advice, writer friend. Letting your heart rule your head all the time can be very dangerous. Sometimes our feelings can lie, like when Owen and Cristina got back together in season 9, their feelings lied, Cristina knew that the kid thing with Owen would eventually rear its head again and it did and it ended them. She simply did not want kids and he did. So it had to end. Sad, but in a relationship a complete deal-breaker.


  2. This is such a sweet post! I guess the old cliche works best here though, time heals all wounds. If someone isn’t right for you it’s a good excuse to travel more and focus on your experiences, so that maybe you can meet someone better. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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