I’m not very good at moving on! Actually I’ll rephrase that… In practical terms, I’m fantastic at it! I’m always willing and ready to take my next step in live. Ready to move to a new town or a new country if that’s where the path takes me. My heart however finds it harder to catch up! My heart seems intent on living in days gone by and clinging to the hope of a dream that, I’m finally accepting, will never realise itself!
In the past I’ve often thought I’ve done it! And then I end up back at square one! So I can’t help but wonder why moving on is so hard to do! Why I struggle to let go and why I have an unwavering belief that things will be different this time, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
Why is it so hard to let go??
I know I’m ruled by my heart and my feelings are fed by memories. This is the problem when you try to move on because for every unhappy moment there are a million happy memories that no one can take away! And our brains like to focus on these, pull them from our memory banks and wave them around like a red rag to a bull! And the recollections convince us that we shouldn’t actually be moving on! We should be fighting for what we have! But there comes a point where you have to realise that fighting for something that isn’t working, isn’t a fight you’re going to win.
Those close to me know how much I’ve fought over the past few years and that one of the reasons why I actually needed to move so far away physically was so that I could also move into a different phase of my life in my head and in my heart. But it definitely hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be. Baggage has a habit of travelling with you and freeing yourself from the chains of your mind is a difficult thing to do.
I’ve been In Hong Kong for 5 months and emotionally I’ve lived out one of the most intense roller coasters of my life. It’s still not an easy ride, but I finally feel like I’m breaking free and turning a corner. I’m in a place I know I’d never have reached back home.
Memories make us miss what we had, but missing is actually all part of moving on! Moving on isn’t easy or painless! It hurts like hell! But that pain is what makes us stronger! It’s what drives us to get something better as remembering what is possible helps us strive for new memories and new moments to cherish. Slowly, bit by bit we learn to look to make memories in tomorrow instead of living in memories of yesterday!
So here’s to the future, to new memories and looking forward to what comes next!